I’m a 29-year-old woman who got married to my late sister’s husband a few months ago. He and my older sister were married for 10 years before she died of cancer. They have one son who is now 12 years old.
Our grief brought us close together. When he proposed after one year, the first person we told was my nephew. He accepted me right away, and even started to call me ‘’Mama.’’ He said he wants his dad to be happy, and that his mom in heaven would want him to be happy, too.
But it’s my mother who objected violently, saying I’m a disgrace to the family and that my sister will haunt me from her grave. Since we didn’t get my family’s blessing, we just got married in a simple civil ceremony with some of our friends. We want to have our own children soon. You had an earlier letter like this; I want him to know there are many people in similar situations, like us.
I would have thought your mother would be the first to approve, because then, the marriage would still be all in the family, considering your sister left an only child she’d want to be cared for. Clearly, it’s different strokes for different folks.
Unless she steadfastly believes there’s a chance your sister will be coming back sometime soon to reclaim her family, rest your mind and continue to pursue this new life you’ve undertaken.
Your misguided mother will soon come around to accepting how fate had resolved your life and that of her son-in-law.
Nobody has the crystal ball to see what’s going to happen tomorrow, which, ironically, is just a day away. Nobody foresaw your sister’s passing, which upended the life of everyone around her.
To quote from the “Desiderata”: “Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”
Accept this new chapter in your life despite the turmoil it has caused with your mother, as it fully belongs to you.