Dear Emily,
My husband and I separated two weeks before the lockdown. I caught him having an affair with his secretary of two years, and immediately threw him out of our house. We have been married almost eight years and lived together four years before that. Our two children are now almost teenagers. We only got married when he said we needed to make it legal for the sake of our properties. Now, he is asking me to allow him to come back to our house, but I’ve just played deaf to his pleas. He hurt me so much that though the kids and I miss him terribly, I’m playing hard to get. Were it not for my pride, I’d take him back in a second because he’s really a nice man. He told me he probably just got crazy that day when the whole office went for a trip out of town. We’ve never been apart and always slept together for all our 13 years. It is common knowledge in both our families that he can’t sleep without me beside him, touching my skin or his face buried in my hair. They’ve called him a “little boy” because of his sleeping fetish. His mother even promised she’d be the one to break his leg if he fools around again.
—Confused
It seems your heart is not all that ready to throw away your marriage. If he had been a serial transgressor, your reaction of flushing him down the sewer is totally understandable. Is it his first time, perhaps, to be a jerk? Why not breathe hard, think deep, shift your gear into forgiveness, and charge this episode to a lapse of sanity on his part? Move on like it was just a pebble on the road.
He didn’t marry her, or get her pregnant, or profess his undying love for her. He just had an affair. Big deal! Despite his stupidity, he looked back at the life he was leaving, regretted having done it and came running back to you.
Having this irresolute pride can only bring much unhappiness you may regret for a long time. There is no shame in forgiveness. Go with your heart and you will not go wrong! For once, give second chances a chance.
