Dear Emily,

My wife and I were having a drink to celebrate our freedom from quarantine some time ago. We were having fun when she grew quiet and said she had something to tell me. She confessed she had a three-year affair with her boss, but had broken up during the pandemic. She said she would understand if I separated from her. We have three kids. I said I won’t allow our marriage to break up and that I forgive her. This is just a hiccup, I assured her.

I felt so guilty after her confession because I, too, was having an affair with a colleague. It was just sexual, as we were both married. We also broke up during the pandemic. But, unlike my wife, I will never confess my own sin. I know I am being a hypocrite and a coward, but it will be less stressful if she’d never know about it. My wife has that habit of digging up old quarrels and most mistakes of mine, and I don’t want that happening again. This secret of mine will be buried with me forever. We both just have to start this marriage on a clean slate.

—Guilty Husband

Would you have forgiven your wife that quickly had you not yourself been guilty as hell about your own secret affair? Probably not. But you didn’t want to break up your marriage—as was your call—so the relief will be felt all around immensely, by the knowing and the innocent.

Life is full of twists and turns and the important thing is your commitment to your family. This whirlpool of events can happen to any couple, rich or poor, young or old. Your willingness to walk away from trouble says a lot about how you regard marriage.

About your nonconfession to your wife: You know her better than anybody. It truly would have been unbearable in the long run to bare your soul to her, knowing what the aftermath of that cleansing would have been. Yes, remain quiet as a grave. Let your creator judge you when the time comes.

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