Every week, Preen tackles motherhood sans the rose-tinted glasses. Our columnists L. Juliano, Marla Darwin, Monica Eleazar-Manzano, and Rossana Unson tell their personal experiences like it is—at times frustrating, oftentimes confusing, but always enlightening.

I have been studying with the Philippine Kabbalah Centre for the past few years and one crucial life lesson I am learning still, after all these years, is that if you want to change others, you must change yourself. It is a very bitter pill to swallow, but one that works tremendously.

When it comes to parenting, what I have noticed from many of the mommy forums online is that parents are constantly seeking advice for behavioral problems with children who are difficult to discipline.

In Waldorf Education, it is stressed to us parents even before we enroll our kids in the parent-child program or kindergarten that “very young children mirror the parents.” If there are obvious or hidden tensions in the household or between the elders, the children will surely pick it up and act out. Given the formula above, change yourself and others will change—then the first thing we must do as parents is to pause and check on what have we been doing ourselves that will result to our child acting a certain way? If your sweet and golden child is suddenly hitting or biting, ask yourself, where is this aggression really coming from? Have I been stressed recently? How about the caregivers of our little ones? They, too, may be culprits of the negative energy-feeding to our young.

You see, children are very effective sponges. They soak up all of your thoughts and feelings whether you are aware of it or not. Believe me, I’ve seen it all too well with my own two kids. When I am centered and in a good mood, my children are loving and behaved. On the contrary, when I lack sleep or bothered by any issue, I will also see it with the way they play or act towards each other. It is important that whomever cares for the children have a positive and strong foundation because then the children will imbibe all of their ways, without any filters.

In my opinion, marriage is a challenging relationship because it is easy to blame your spouse for whatever hurts or pains you are going through. It’s so natural for us, at least for me the Virgo, to scrutinize my partner for his shortcomings and what needs instant improvement. I constantly have to take a step back from reoccurring issues and see what needs to be changed not in my husband, but in me!

I know, I know, it is easier said than done but do try it at home with your own spouses. Whenever you feel the urge to nitpick, catch yourself and then try to modify the things that annoy you in yourself. It takes a lot of humble self-realization which I am a student of for life, it seems!

Here are some practical tools to help you on this journey of change:

Create a sacred space: This could be a little corner in your room or in your office where you can take time outs when feeling stressed at any time of the day. Decorate nicely and add inspirational quotes and spiritual books that will lend you wisdom in times of need.

Have moments of silence: You can choose to do 15 minutes or more of silence and solitude to train your mind to weed out unnecessary and unfavorable thoughts from your head. It helps to do this first thing in the morning or very late at night before sleeping. Best done without the accompaniment of electronic media.

Breathe: I cannot stress the importance of deep breathing to solve any solution. When my child has a tantrum or my husband is in a foul mood, I first center myself by breathing deeply so that I can be emotionally stable when dealing with whomever.

Find your tribe: It really does make a difference when you have your own spiritual path for personal development. A core group that can help lift you up in trying times. Ever since I drew strength from my community of light-workers, I can now be reminded to choose my own battles.

Disclaimer: The views expressed here are solely those of the author in her private capacity and do not in any way represent the views of Preen.ph, or any other entity of the Inquirer Group of Companies.

Art by Dorothy Guya

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