DEAR EMILY,

I am 41 years old and a single mother of four who left my lazy, good-for-nothing husband and his various vices to live with my parents once again.

My problem is, I have done something which I will never forget, and possibly regret for the rest of my life. I registered on an online dating website and found a man who became a very good friend to me for three years now. He’s also 41 years old, a single parent with two teenage boys.

However, everything he knows about me is a lie. I didn’t tell him the real me and the pictures I sent him are not mine at all. He fell in love with my lies, especially the woman in the photos. He is a smart guy, and I don’t know if he sensed something not right in our relationship or smelled something fishy, but he never told me directly. He will be coming here in June to meet me in person.

The truth is, I fell in love with him, deeply and intensely. I know he is also in love with me, or should I say with the woman in the pictures, because he’s been calling me day and night. He is thoughtful and a real gentleman. I don’t know what to do about these stupid feelings I have for him.

How can I tell him everything about me without hurting his feelings and his pride? Is saying sorry enough to ease the pain and anger he might feel for me? For months now, I’ve had sleepless nights thinking of how to survive the coming days without e-mails, calls and messages from him.

My only desire in registering online was to have fun and meet people, but it turned out really bad. I know this is karma, and it has hit me, bull’s eye.—Madly in Love

Answer:

Haven’t you heard the saying, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions?” You wanted fun, you wanted a diversion from a life you thought was miserable, so you joined this game of peek-a-boo.

But the first step you took was already doomed from the start! You started lying immediately by sending the photo of someone else. But why? How bad do you look, anyway? You could just have remained faceless and added mystery to your persona!

Nobody was putting a gun to your head when he asked for your photograph. Yet you had to lie, and continued lying all these years.

This is quicksand you’re standing on. He may be this thoughtful gentleman and just a lovely person. But depending on the integrity of this guy, he may not like discovering you’ve been a scheming woman all these years. He’d be quite angry at these lies you subjected him to, considering how upfront he was about himself.

You may want to start doing your mea culpa between now and June, and see where it takes you. Be sure to make a truly honest confession about everything, telling him exactly how and why it happened. The sore point in this mess is, he has had this picture of you in his mind for years, and it may not be that easy to wash that image from his memory. And if you’ve sent him a photo of a beauty queen and you turn out to be anything but, that can be a problem.

Remember, it’s not just weeks we’re talking about here! But who knows what will happen?

Honesty is still the best policy. Try anyway, and make a clean breast of it right away and save whatever goodwill is left in him. What will be, will be.

([email protected] or [email protected]—SUBJECT: LIFESTYLE)