Having good intentions rarely translates into being good at something, because there’s so much more that goes into what we do and how we are received by those around us. This is very much the case with bosses, managers and leaders in organizations.There are the ones who are artful at being sincere and empathizing without meaning what they say. Then there are those who speak hurtful words but who may care more for your career.

What characteristics do these bosses have that may explain how their hearts of gold can go astray?

Insecure. They may feel threatened that you can see through their weaknesses. This would make them want to take credit for your work. It could lead them to fault-find every chance they get.

Fearful. If they’re full of logical and illogical fears, they might make your life a living hell by making you over-prepare and overwork unnecessarily. Ambitious. They have high aspirations for themselves. Maybe they were raised with impossible expectations. They may have been bullied, and they want to prove everyone wrong. Unfortunately, they make you work for these objectives. They could be slave drivers.

Pressed for time. Whatever age they’re in, these people might feel they haven’t done enough, and have so much they need to accomplish. This will make them impatient, mean at times. Especially if they’re going through midlife crisis, working with them will carry extra pressure.

No boundaries. They are afraid of authority, and saying no is not an option for them. So it shouldn’t be for you, too. All the work that their peers and bosses suggest get funneled to your desk as a result.

Overwhelmed. Either due to too much work or just the lack of stress management, if they’re overwhelmed, they won’t be good mentors for you. They won’t have the capacity to guide and teach.

People pleasers. These wait for praise and a pat on the back to affirm their existence. That’ll be the carrot they’ll be wagging their tails for. It doesn’t matter if it’s not aligned with the strategies you agreed on, or if you’ve already started on a different project. They can’t take anyone being dissatisfied.

Need to belong. One of our hierarchy needs, according Abraham Maslow, is the need to belong to a community. Family or a tight group of friends could be the source of this. Some get their fill at work. This might discourage them from disagreeing with anyone’s point of view or voicing out unpopular views. They wouldn’t risk being excommunicated from the “in” crowd.

Self-referenced. This only means their attention goes inward. They focus too much on themselves that they don’t know how they come across, and how people respond to them.

Too externally focused. These are the ones who need to look good. They’re typically well-loved by their peers and upper management, mostly by everyone except their own team. Their team feels they’re reporting to a two-faced monster.

Non-confrontational. They tend to be passive and won’t rock the boat. Whatever inter-group conflicts there are, they take the blame, which often means you take the blame. You can’t expect them to have your back if you dare speak up.

Control freaks. Perfectionists would tend to be among these. Everything has to be in the exact place, and no one could do it the way they want it. Delegation is a foreign concept to them. So you don’t learn, but it may also mean you’re not doing much work because they tend to take on more. Sometimes you do the work, then they redo it.

Low EQ. We’ve heard many things about EQ being needed more by leaders than IQ. Low EQ may mean they’re not in touch with their own emotions, let alone yours. So they don’t know how to talk to you about your concerns. This can manifest in extreme emotions, from being nice to overly angry to no emotion at all. Real and vulnerable conversations are almost impossible.

Need to be right. For some, being wrong can be a threatening experience. They might have been punished for the simplest mistakes. They could’ve been ridiculed for not having the right facts. If they need to be right, unless you agree with them, you’re also always wrong.

If you report to someone who has quite a few items checked, being honest with them about how you’re experiencing them might be the best move for you. Make sure to frame it as feedback versus judgment. This will also be valuable for their growth. If they mean well, they’ll probably respond positively.

The author is an executive coach and an organizational development consultant. You may reach out to her through [email protected]