These days, there seems to be more kids and adults being diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). It is a common mental disorder that presents with inattention (difficulty concentrating), hyperactivity (moving too much unnecessarily), and impulsivity (spontaneous actions that aren’t thought through). It can make parents of such children or partners of such adults frustrated and fearful about their future.
But in a vlog for the Bright & Quirky community, Dr. Edward Hallowell assured viewers you can set up ADHD-stricken kids for a happy, successful life with a simple strategy.
Dr. Hallowell is the author of “ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction—From Childhood Through Adulthood” (2021), “Driven to Distraction” and “Delivered from Distraction.”
He said that the most significant factor in predicting happiness and success in life boils down to one thing: love.
He mentioned The Grant Study at Harvard Medical School, an 85-year continuing longitudinal study from the Study of Adult Development. It identified love as the most important aspect in predicting health, longevity, occupational success, income, leadership ability, and general happiness. But not just one love; the number and depths of your loves make a difference.
More loves
In a talk Dr. Hallowell delivered at his alma mater, Phillips Exeter Academy, he said that many in the audience probably think that making it to an Ivy League university is important. However, he said that what they really want to do while they’re in school is to fall in love: “With a person, a book, music, a dream, God, the stars, that really is what will matter throughout your lifetime. There will always be victories and defeats, but if you love the game, you’ve won.”
He talked about how his Harvard diploma was nothing compared to his love for writing, even if he found it difficult. He said it didn’t matter what grades he got or what other people said about his writing because it sustains him. “The more loves you have and the deeper and healthier they are, the happier you’ll be. You’ll be despair-proof if you have several loves,” he said.
An affair can sustain you through a miserable marriage—until you get caught and everything unravels. So perhaps Dr. Hallowell is not referring to that kind of multiple loves.
No one in my immediate family has been diagnosed with ADHD, but Dr. Hallowell’s approach to living with or without such a disorder makes sense. As a stay-at-home mom, my mistake was to paint myself into a corner by not being financially independent. This decision limited my options and ability to love “more.” Sure, I keep busy with several “loves” like my family, friends, hobbies, and other things that matter to me, but to sustain said loves when one of them goes away could hurt you deeply, maybe even irreparably because you didn’t equally distribute the weight.
Antidote
It’s like those “American Idol” wannabes who love to sing but singing didn’t love them back enough to make a career out of it because their talent fell short, or they believed the encouragement of well-meaning parents who didn’t want to tell them the truth about how horrible they sound.
Or what if you love food you can’t afford to eat anymore because it would kill you or is beyond your budget? Or what if the person you chose to love didn’t love you back with the same depth and intensity? All rude awakenings. Can your combined loves of, say, guitar, your dog, and the planet make up for that void?
What Dr. Hallowell feels about writing I feel the same about martial arts like taekwondo and jiujitsu. Both disciplines are hard enough on their own, but add to that the challenges of advancing age and Parkinson’s and it becomes borderline ridiculous to even consider.
But that time on the mats, uncomfortable in the heat and pitted against sweaty bodies, means I don’t have to be alone with my thoughts. When I’m trying to master a technique, I gain a shred of confidence that can spill over to other areas of my otherwise miserable life, buying me a bit more dopamine I can no longer produce. When I try to escape a submission, my mind and body work together to affirm that, no, I don’t actually want to die.
“The number and depths of your loves determine how fulfilled you are and how long you will live,” said Dr. Hallowell. “Love is a marvelous antidote to disease. Get a dog. Fall in love again with your partner, or the dream you’ve neglected or put on the shelf.”
He shared one of his favorite prayers: “Lord, help me always to search for the truth but spare me the company of those who have found it since the people who think they have the truth do the most damage.”
Amen. —CONTRIBUTED
