I’m not the most religious person. Hell, I haven’t picked up the Bible since my Catholic high school days. But even I know a Taglish version of the sacred word isn’t the way.

What am I talking about? Well, no one asked for it, but St. Paul Catholic Bookstore just dropped a Taglish version of the Bible with youth slang in it.

On Aug. 14, the evangelical bookstore announced the newest addition to its abundance of sacred text readings. The New Testament Pinoy version is your average bible—except it’s been translated into Taglish to incorporate new slang. Not to bash this idea but this should be left in group chats and casual conversations.

“Bukod pa riyan, ginamitan din ng mga napapanahong salita para mas maging relevant at interesting sa audience at lalong lalo na sa mga kabataan para mas maintindihan nila ang salita ng Diyos,” their Facebook post reads, as they gave us some sample verses in this new version. Instead of enlightenment, we are given some cringeworthy content.

Here are some of them:

After ilang minutes, may nakapansin ulit kay Peter at sinabi sa kanya, ‘Isa ka sa mga kasamahan nila.’ Pero sumagot si Peter, “Hindi po ako ‘yun, sir!” After one hour, may lalaking nag-insist, “Sure ako, kasama ni Jesus ang taong ito, kasi taga-Galilea din sya.” (Luke 22:58-59)

“Sobrang na-shock ako sa inyo. Ang dali n’yo namang tinalikuran ang Diyos. Imagine, sobrang bait n’ya at pinadala n’ya si Christ sa atin. Ang Diyos mismo ang pumili sa inyo, tapos ngayon, ine-entertain n’yo ang ibang Gospel?” (Galatians 1:6)

If anyone out there actually wants this, it’s only P145. Jesus did die for our sins willingly. I don’t know if he’ll do the same thing after reading this version of the Bible though.

Art by Yel Sayo