DEAR EMILY,

I have been married for 25 years and this year I discovered that my husband had an affair with a married woman his age. I didn’t realize this would happen to us, and the emotional pain would be more painful than any physical pain.

Since then, he has left us. The married woman has also separated from her husband although, I am not yet sure if they have continued their affair. My woman’s intuition tells me they are still seeing each other. At first, it was very hard for me to be separated from my husband, though it was I who even asked him to go. But as the months have passed, I am confused about my feelings. There is a part of me that wants him back.

But whenever I see him, I can’t seem to forget the affair. He has admitted that he had flings in the past, but this is the first time he had an affair. He said he is weak regarding temptations.

The woman initially called me to say she was sorry, but after a few weeks I caught them still talking to each other. Is it time to move on, or do you think our marriage still has a chance?

AGGRIEVED WIFE

Didn’t your husband himself admit he is weak regarding temptation? Do you believe he will come back to you a changed man? After 25 years, why do you still want to be burdened with his indiscretions of the flesh?

Breaking up a family is never pleasant. Aren’t you happy he left you on his own accord, by himself, without you dragging him or kicking him out the door? How lucky can some women like you get? And you’re still making up your mind whether to just move on or still give your marriage a chance?

Why not give “you” a chance at life, now that he’s out the door? See if you’ll be a better person without the aggravations of a man who has to break a 25-year marriage to succumb to his boneless back.

Enough of these heartaches already. You must be pushing 50 now, so ask yourself how much longer you’ll have to bear a man who succinctly told you his weakness. There’s clearly someone who wants to take over the cudgels of babying him. So let her!

Give yourself a chance to breathe without having to break your heart with these visions of him with other women.

Do something you’ve always wanted to do without him hovering around your life or your mind. This freedom from him may be short-lived, as this great husband of yours might miss someone who truly cares about him—and come back to you before you’ve even savored the bliss of being single.

So, take a chance and spread your wings without him. It’s been stifled much too long.

E-mail the author at [email protected] or [email protected]. Subject: Lifestyle.