As I write this note, I can’t help but feel sad. My dearest, almost 100-year-old grandmother is in her final days, and we are all aware that it’s just a matter of time before she joins my abuelito in heaven.
It has been a long battle for her, and for a woman her age, I consider it unfair that she is not spared any discomfort. One reassuring thought is that so many people are praying for her right now.
As her grandchild, I understand how much she wants it all to end. Though I know I will miss her when the time comes, she has lived a beautiful life on this earth, definitely loved and treasured by everyone who has known her.
If you have met Mama Didi, you could not help but love her. She has such an ease about her; you know you have just met a good soul. She has the brightest smile, and has always been a graceful woman in her manner and her way of addressing people.
When I was a child, I looked forward to the summers we spent a month or two in her home. She would scold us gently when we bickered, cleaned our knees after our daily scrapes, sewed us clothes when she had lighter afternoons.
She had plenty of grandchildren, yet she loved us all in her own special way. How I loved her stories about her family and my grandfather; she can still remember everything as if it were yesterday.
I regret not visiting her as often as I should have, yet I find myself thinking of her. When I made my occasional calls to her, I would feel the warmth in her voice, and it made me miss her all the more. When I lost Mike, they told me she wept the most, and we did cry together on the phone during those sad times. When the kids and I visited her a few years ago, I spent most of my time just sitting next to her while she read briefly or watched television. I adjusted my schedule to hers, and cared less for other things I could have done while I was in her town. I treasured the peaceful silence and being with her all day. I love our discussions and I listened to all the stories she could remember.
There is a selfish part of me that does not want to accept that she will leave us soon. Yet, I know she has lived long and lived well, more than most people. This is a woman who has loved her family unselfishly and never complained about anything. She appreciated how her life has unfolded and has lived it to the fullest. No one can be as kind and as gentle as her, there will never be another Mama Didi. I have always thanked God that despite her many illnesses, God has still allowed her to keep her lovely memory. Even in the latter years when she has been confined to a wheelchair, you can relish every conversation and lucid memory she shared with you.
I consider myself fortunate that I’ve had a grandmother this long, and that she is all I have ever needed in a grandmother. I wish I were with her right now to hug her, kiss her on the cheek, and remind her how much we love her. I just pray that she finds solace in everyone’s presence and support, especially from the lucky ones who are physically there.
I hope to somehow emulate the woman she has become, as a mother and as a grandmother. I hope to be unselfish and to maintain a positive outlook, just like her. I hope I enjoy and cherish the life the Lord will bless me in my final years.
As she is now surrounded by the many people who love her, I hope Mama Didi realizes what a wonderful person she truly is. I cannot imagine life without her, and I cannot imagine her being part of my past. It will all have to happen in the Lord’s time, and when that day comes, I hope the Lord rewards her for all the kind things she has done. For just being the wonderful grandmother she has been to me, I think she deserves plenty of graces already.
I will miss you, Mama Didi. My kids and I love you very much.
