DEAR EMILY,
My only daughter has been a problem child since my husband and I separated. She got pregnant three times by three different men, and although she’s denying that, there’s nobody our family can run after for support because we never met any of these men.
Two years ago, she met someone who courted her properly. He was a polite guy, had a stable job which came with a car, and accepted and loved my daughter’s three children. A perfect man for her, but with one problem—he introduced my daughter to his family as single.
His parents, who are both professionals, accepted my daughter with open arms. They allowed their son to live in with my daughter in my house. When she got pregnant, the parents were ecstatic because they’ve been wanting to have a grandchild for the longest time. They immediately had them married in a small ceremony and couldn’t contain their happiness when my daughter gave birth to a healthy boy two months later.
The problem is, every time the parents of the boy would visit, my daughter’s three other children would be carted away and hidden to wherever they can spend the half day or the whole day without being seen by her in-laws.
My son-in-law, for all his goodness, doesn’t have courage to tell his parents the truth. He is afraid he’d break their hearts, or worse, be disowned and told never to see them again. I pity the kids because they are too innocent to be treated like movable furniture.
—HEARTBROKEN
GRANDMOTHER
Your daughter has not stopped being a problem child! After being made a receptacle by three men, she still has not learned to fight for her rights, including giving these three children an identity of their own.
Granting that she was afraid to lose this one man who has accepted her for herself seemingly without reservation, she had leverage and could have fought for their recognition and given him the “take me or leave me” card.
What was there to fear? He already loved her whatever she was. His parents will probably raise hell initially—but so what! This is the life he wants for himself, and for all his best intentions, should have done the right thing from day one! How long does he think he can hide these children from his parents?
But then again, who are we to judge? Who knows what goes on in people’s minds? And who is to shove down their throats how they should live their lives? Different strokes for different folks. Their son saw something worthy in your “problem” daughter which nobody else did. They are married now, and whatever hair-pulling the guy’s parents do once they learn the truth, they’ll just have to accept your daughter, warts and all.
You as her mother should stop wringing your hands and worrying about anything. This is the way they want to pursue their lives, and all you should say is, Amen. After all, whether these kids get recognized or not is immaterial in the long run.
What you should concern yourself with is they be given the basic elements human beings need—food, clothing, shelter and plenty of love. Pray that their new father keep his inherent goodness and continue caring for them. In the end, time is very forgiving and somehow forgetful.
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