DEAR EMILY,

Three years ago, I met this guy who swept me off my feet. I never had any serious suitors before him. It didn’t take long before we became intimate. It’s probably corny, but every 27th of the month when we “did” it, we’d greet each other happy anniversary. It went on for eight months and then—nothing. Instead of looking forward to the day, I’ve started to dread it because I know I’d be disappointed. He changed.

I have a gang of girl friends from school and they all have boyfriends and active sex lives. I envied their relationships and I was the last one to lose my virginity. We all celebrated when I did. It is shallow now because I know I have more intelligence than that. But, because of that experience, which changed my life, I’ve been under the guy’s spell since then.

I think he is the cutest guy I’ve met in my life. But he has no money, no ambition and has become rude to me. Because of my lack of experience, I don’t even enjoy sex with him. But I don’t want to leave him. I feel I cannot live without him despite everything. His family demands that I do errands for them, and because of him, I do whatever they tell me to do.

I am just turning 20 and I am not at all happy with what’s happening to me. He is inattentive and treats me badly. But I love him and can’t see my future without him.

GIG

Wow, so unhappy and not even 20!

Do you really think the best thing he did to you was take away your virginity? Aren’t you lucky your kidney is more complicated to harvest? You’re so young and already stuck with this guy.

He may be cute but can you buy groceries with cute? Babies, even with drool, are adorable. But men who are jerks can’t be adorable. They are disgusting!

I know how blind love is. But aren’t you just sticking with him with the hope of “retrieving” your virginity? You are probably subconsciously angry at him because of the big chunk of self-respect he “stole” from you. And you want him to “return” what he stole by being more attentive to you. You know you can’t and you won’t! And since you more or less have accepted that, you are now crying out for anything to hold on to him. No way!

Unless he put a gun to your head to get you to bed—he “don’t owe you nuthin’” as Americans say. He got what he wanted and, as far as his peabrain is concerned, he’s finished with you. Obvious ba?

Start cutting your losses by dropping him and running away from him, fast. If you are as intelligent as you say you are, what’s your problem? Make a total break now. Finish your schooling so you can meet better and brighter men than this one. He is a waste of your time and an awful misuse of energy.

Ah, to be young and foolish. Tsk, tsk!

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