While there’s a lot of information about being a first-time mother, not much has been said about giving birth the second time around.

I enjoyed some respite from unsolicited advice on my firstborn Jack. Giving birth to him gave me a bit more confidence, but not swagger; after all, it’s been four years, definitely not like riding a bike. I can’t explain how four years seem to have passed so quickly and so slowly at the same time.

There was no need to read all those baby books and articles like I did the first time, but I still had to review a few to feel more prepared. What I wasn’t prepared for was how much my life would be different, too.

Health-wise, I was treated differently, as I was older, with some complications. After giving birth, there were more medical challenges, and my hormones didn’t make any of it easier. Breastfeeding was excruciating, with repeated bouts of mastitis, but I persisted because I wanted to give my daughter Juno sufficient mother’s milk nutrition.

While pregnant with her, friends who have had two or more children reached out to congratulate and empathize with me.

Powerful, mixed emotions about another person joining our snug threesome were magnified by pregnancy hormones. My special one-on-one relationship with my son was coming to an end.

Of course, it was only going to change and not really end, but the level of focus and attention I could give him will be truly different.

A friend mentioned how, while pregnant with her second child, she wept as her firstborn slept; another mom went on special dates with her eldest kid to max out the moments leading to the inevitable dilution of resources. My wise kumare said I would be surprised to discover how I will have more love to give with the arrival of a new baby.

Big brother

I did a lot of weeping, as well as one-on-one dating with my four-year-old son, and the praying for my heart (and faith) to expand somehow, and marveled at how Jack took it all relatively well. He gave up his room for the first three months while I slept there with the baby; now he shares his room with no trouble.

Jack has so far been patient; even with Juno crying, he hasn’t complained. He also gave up his yaya, as Juno needed more help and attention.

I had read books to Jack to prepare him for his new role as big brother, which he seemed to relish, but his strong facade would crack every now and then as he would sometimes get clingy and manifest his resentment in subtle, surprising ways and regressive behavior.

With another baby, there is hardly time for anything else. What periods of rest I had before with just one child, I now have to budget to give time for everyone and everything else I need to do.

And then I realized that I can do it, that it isn’t that bad, even as Jack does naughty things on purpose to get my attention—attention that he will never get enough of, I soon discovered. Something’s got to give, and that’s time for other less pressing things or relationships that aren’t worth it anymore.

Having another child forced me to streamline my life and made me see what’s truly important. I haven’t been able to plan Jack’s after-school activities, but it’s also allowed him to have more downtime.

I also love how he helps out or brings his toys to wherever I am so he can play near me—whether I’m working, exercising (yes, it’s necessary to schedule it in!), cooking or pumping milk.

One time, he did something truly naughty and I berated him for it. I asked him why he did it, and he replied tearfully, “Because I wanted you.”

That dialed down my frustration and helped me see how fleeting this period really is. There will come a time when Jack won’t want me, so for now I will savor his unnerving ways and try to anticipate his needs.

As for the challenges—sleepless nights and breastfeeding struggles I continue to have with Juno—I have learned to cherish as well. I hadn’t been able to appreciate it as much with Jack when it was all happening for the first time. Back then, I was just very eager to see what was next, to get difficulties over and done with. Now, I appreciate each day because I know I won’t be passing this way again.

Being there to see the gummy grins and first steps, to witness and document each discovery Juno makes as it unfolds, and to magically kiss away ouchies are true gifts I am glad and content to claim.

I am humbled to have been chosen to be Jack and Juno’s mother. Every day spent with my children brings pride, joy, pain, anger, relief, frustration, among other things.

I have never felt so alive.