DEAR EMILY,

I can’t make my wife stop gambling. Her favorite game is baccarat and she has memberships in all casinos in the city.

I am heavily in debt. I’m having trouble sending my five children to school and might not be able to continue this coming school year. No one will loan me money because of my poor credit record. I have small claims court cases left and right from people I owe, all because of trying to pay my wife’s debt. I just wish that my wife dies or gets killed.

I once visited a casino and saw how it destroys family relationships and get them in financial ruin. It is a curse that I have to live with, and I’m not sure until when I can last. My children and I are suffering tremendously.

We have talked about this many times and she always promised to stop. But just after a week, she would be at it again. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I once sold a parcel of land I inherited from my parents to settle her debts, but I mistakenly entrusted her with the money. That was my way of telling her that I trusted her, but the money always ended up in the casino anyway.

I’m all alone in this struggle. I feel that even God has abandoned me.

FRANK

Surely, you can’t be all alone in this struggle. Not one in-law you can run to and confide in about your wife’s addiction? Are you both absolute orphans, with not one living relative to cry on? Not even a level-headed friend who will keep you on an even keel when you need it?

Your wife has a huge problem. Yes, she’s a gambling addict, but that may be just the tip of the iceberg. Her affliction could have a myriad of facets which must be sorted out if she is to be helped.

For an outsider, her maniacal gambling is her way of filling up a tremendous void inside her. She has reasons which even she cannot fathom or begin to deal with possibly.

How did gambling get into her being? Could she have fallen into this deep addictive hole hoping to get rich quick and contribute to your family’s money shortage? Did you catch on too late at how she got trapped in this sinister world, lost her control beyond redemption, and just got swallowed up fast in its downward spiral?

That tragic scenario happens much too often. Remember the saying, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Sort it out starting with the two of you. Did you embark on this relationship on the right foot? Was your marriage ever happy, once upon a time? Were you a thoughtful and loving husband she could lay her head on when she needed it? Was kissing and hugging and sex regular in your relationship?

Besides the usual topics like laundry or children’s homework or bills payment, what were your conversations like? Are they meaningful, or do you two find talking about your feelings corny and not relevant to your lives? Have you tried warming up to each other again by going out on simple dates like going to movies lately?

Or is there nothing to talk about but money problems, discussions that turn into screaming matches later?

How much patience are you willing to invest for her to solve these issues, whatever her reaction is? She must understand that her addiction is flushing her family’s well-being down the toilet. Her children’s education, for one—is that not enough to jar her maternal instinct?

Use simple words she can visualize, and emotions she herself can feel. Have you stopped making her feel loved because of all the troubles she has created?

The questions here may seem too simplistic to get to the core of her problem. But, as Confucius said, life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated. How many times has it happened that a fever that is raging in a healthy body and causing it to wither is nothing more than a little insect bite that has gone undetected?

Sure, your whole world is coming down and the heavens seem oblivious to all your prayers. Just believe that you will never be given a problem you cannot handle.

It’s dark and hopeless in your world now. But be grateful anyway, as there are certainly torrents of blessings coming your way that you’re hardly aware of. Fate is never unfair.

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