DEAR EMILY,

I am a 29-year-old male working abroad. I met a Filipina in the company I work in. She is a single mother with two daughters. She is hiding that from everyone and she doesn’t know that I know.

At first, that was a complete turn-off for me, but before I knew it, we were already dating. The thought of her being a single mom could not keep me away from her because not only is she good in bed, we can also talk and laugh all day when we’re together.

Lately, I found out that she is pregnant and due this December. My plan was only to use her for sex (since I never had a girlfriend when I started working abroad), then run. Now I cannot exit from this relationship.

My problem is, I cannot accept the son she is carrying. I cannot accept that my eldest child is actually her youngest. She wants me to raise the child by myself (probably because she can’t raise three children anymore). I am not proud of the child and I don’t want it. But I can’t also bear to give her the burden of raising another child.

Seems you’re a nice man, by thinking you don’t want to burden this woman with raising another child. Yet, you also come out not nice—most especially when you say you’re not proud of the child and that you don’t want it. Can you please define who and what exactly you are?

If it were only sex you’re interested in, why didn’t you protect yourself from this eventuality? Didn’t you know that babies come from having sex, wanted or not? Unless she aborts very, very soon, you must already plan something for him. But why go that route?

Pity the poor child because neither you nor the mother seems to want any part of him. Have you thought about having the boy adopted? That is a fantastic option. There are so many unfortunate couples dying to bring up unwanted babies, given the chance. Would you consider a gift of life to them?

You’ll also have a problem marrying this woman because, despite the great sex, good conversation and laughter you enjoy with her, there will always be this feeling of being turned off by her—a single mother with two kids not your own. You might not even outgrow this vision of a virginal-never-been-touched-woman, and clearly, this mother of two will never be good enough for you.

Unless you embrace what she is and not what she should have been, love her warts and all, and be content at how happy you are when you’re with her, this worm of regret will keep on burrowing inside your thoughts. And these unbridled images can be nasty.

The final decision will only come from you. And the question you should be asking is: What can you live with, without regrets?

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