Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about aging. I suppose it comes with the territory of realizing that the big 5-0 is but a few weeks away.

Recently I read something beautiful that made me pause as I approach this second half of life, where you realize that suddenly you have very little time to waste, and with that realization comes the appreciation for the brevity and preciousness of life itself. Coach John Wooden said, “The key to happiness really lies in two things, the first is love, the second is balance.”

I thought about that long and hard, and have decided that those are things that I must strive for in this “new old age.”

Love of self

First let’s talk about love and the most important kind there is—love of self. Loving one’s self is not selfish at all. When we talk about loving oneself, it means knowing what you want in life and in relationships and not allowing yourself to settle for anything less. It’s when you come to this confidence, that all the other kinds of love will follow.

I’ve learned as I’ve grown older that my happiness does not depend on anyone—not on a partner, not on my children, my work, my friends, or on anything and anyone that can be taken away from me. Happiness really resides in the self.

It took me a long time to get to this point. There was a time in my life when I was, okay, needy and dependent upon other people or activities to make me happy. It was a long, rocky and rough road riddled with a lot of tears and sleepless night, laced with hours of conversations with people I trusted. In the end, the realization was that no matter what happens, I would be able to stand alone, even in the worst of storms. Family and friends are wonderful to have around, and provide the emotional support that you need at critical times, but you can’t depend on them a hundred percent. At the end of the day, it will be between you and God. You look in the mirror and there you will find yourself staring face to face with the best person who can make you happy—yourself.

Love in this stage of life also translates into generosity of spirit, of talents and of wealth. Mentoring, giving back, paying it forward whenever you can are all wonderful ways of finding or creating love in your life. At this stage in life, leave no room for selfishness or greed. When you go, you can’t take it with you anyway. Leave enough so that you are comfortable, but give the rest away, to your children, to the people and institutions that need your help, your treasures and your talent the most. “Let it go” is a mantra not just for the young, but I’d like to believe, for the elderly as well. Enjoy your treasures while you still can, use them for building and investing in memories that your children will remember you for long after you are gone. Be remembered as a generous spirit and not as a scrooge.

Meaning and balance

At this point in life’s game, meaning and balance can be found in many things. I reentered the corporate world quite late, in a season of life where I needed to rebuild, almost from scratch. My health had to pay a price for a while, but it taught me a valuable lesson in balance and in realizing what is truly important.

Although I rediscovered my competitive nature, at close to 50, I have also become quite tempered. I would rather focus now on work that gives meaning and work that I truly enjoy, work that puts the skills that I have been given to good use. Writing, which has been essential to me as breathing, has been my way in the world, professionally and personally. I hope to be able to write until I am old and gray, as long as my mind is sharp and my fingers can still tap away. Find what it is that you love and devote yourself to it and you won’t ever go astray.

Come alive now

The brevity of life is not an alien concept to me, having lost a father at age 49, which is my exact age now, and also a son when he was but 4 years old. I think about death and the end of life a lot. I’m always cognizant of the fact that only the present moment is guaranteed and thus, there is no time to waste. I’ve asked the hard questions of people that I’ve loved and have experienced the end of both spectrums—gifted with a love I felt I did not expect or deserve, and at the same time, known the sting of rejection, which, at this point in life, I now always choose to view as God’s redirection. It is what it is, and nothing more.

On my worktable is a quote that I read from time to time to check myself, and to inspire me to live my remaining 30 to 45 years well. “There’s no more poignant motivator that encourages you to live life now than experiencing the brevity of existence firsthand.

“My hope, however, is that you allow yourself to come alive now. Travel the world. Sing on a stage. Tell that person you’ve been admiring that you’re interested. Take an extra moment to meet eyes with a stranger. Sample weird food. Swim in every ocean. Give generously to the people you love, and even those you don’t. Even the fact that you are alive right now is a miracle in itself,” wrote Megan Snedden.

In the grand scheme of things, what is 30 to 45 years left? And yet, I know there is so much I can still do and contribute. I bask in the knowledge that I’ll never be alone, and that God likes to surprise at various points in life’s journey.

“There is nothing more practical than finding God, than falling in love,” Jesuit Fr. Pedro Arrupe wrote. “It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, whom you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.” At 50 and beyond, love is what truly matters.

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