DEAR Emily,

My husband and I had a very acrimonious separation 16 years ago. We were married for 20 years and have three children. We went through every process to disconnect us permanently—church and civil annulment, and even a divorce in the US just to speed things up.

He couldn’t wait to be single again, couldn’t wait to play the field and pursue his weakness, without a wife breathing down his neck. He could afford it, having a successful business and deep pocket.

I, too, had my own little affairs after, but they didn’t last. Despite the sorrow he gave me, I couldn’t get over him. Eventually, he settled down and got engaged to this woman who brought me so much grief during our marriage. They lived abroad, but he would come here regularly for his business.

Three years ago when I was in Hong Kong on an overnight stay to catch a plane for Europe, who would I see checking in the same hotel but my ex-husband who was there for a meeting. He looked delighted to see me and invited me for drinks after his appointments. I couldn’t believe how nice and gentlemanly he behaved toward me. It was like meeting an entirely new person!

We ended the night in his bedroom. We extended our stay two more days and have become lovers since then. Our children know about our clandestine meetings and approve of it.

Lately, he has been coming home more often and staying longer and longer with me. He wants us to spend our old age together as we’re both pushing 60. I like the no-strings arrangement although there is still his alleged fiancée to think about. The world is, indeed, round.

HAPPY EX-WIFE

This is not your sweet revenge against that woman, is it, when you said the world is round? It has, indeed, come full circle for you, considering that the unhappiness and pain you felt once upon a time, now hovers over her who did the exact same heart-rending act to you.

Ignorance is not bliss in her case, as she probably is not even aware that something is remiss in their relationship.

Don’t you want to stop this cycle of unhappiness wrought primarily by your indecisive and philandering ex-husband? Have you asked him where you stand in the general scheme of things? Despite his pronouncement that he wants to grow old with you, where are you really—are you in or are you out?

Will you accept being just a subsidiary, a branch or satellite in his life? He cannot have it both ways! It’ll be unfair to you, again!

The fact that your postmarital affairs didn’t last clearly means the dying embers for your ex-husband never cooled off. And there’s no arguing that though you like this arrangement, you are again in limbo. So, what gives?

This is your life. You’re a big girl. Just watch your back. You wouldn’t want to suffer in your old age—again! And being alone and bitter doesn’t look very attractive down the road.

E-mail the author at [email protected] or emarcelo629 @gmail.com.