“I DO not know what my husband saw in that woman,” a stunningly beautiful, 45-year-old lady told me as she began to relate her emotional ordeal.
Arlene and Robert (not their real names) have been married for 15 years and have three beautiful and intelligent children. She discovered her husband’s indiscretion a month before she came to see me. She saw text messages between her husband and the other woman.
“Just look at her!” Arlene screamed as she showed me a photo of her husband’s lover. “Do you think she’s better looking than me?”
It was obvious that the other woman was no match to Arlene’s movie star physical attributes. The former was plain looking and darker. “Men won’t even take a second look at her!” she shrugged in disgust.
How can we explain this rather familiar scenario?
I read years ago about a psychologist’s theory that we get attracted to people who possess what we unconsciously consider to be our ideal.
This unconscious ideal may even be the opposite of what we consciously like. But I think there’s more to this than what is psychological.
Consider this. I was talking recently to an intelligent and attractive 50-year-old career woman who has been separated from her husband for years now. She finds herself strongly attracted to a married man, an executive of a fairly large company she used to work in.
This person, according to her, has qualities she does not like in a man. “He has no concept of time, is always late. He is vulgar and unethical in his dealings. And he does not even show any interest in me! So why am I strongly drawn to him? ”
I explained to her that romantic relationships, even the choice of a marital partner, are often not based on reason or logic, but on karma.
We are drawn to or repelled by another person because of past life encounters with that person. We will not be so strongly attracted to another person had we not met that person.
True enough, in a past life regression this woman underwent with me two years ago, she saw a life she had with this person. But in that lifetime, there was love between them. She saw both of them walking hand in hand.
She even saw how she died. She was run over by a car, and this man rushed to her and lovingly embraced her. She died in his arms.
“There was a feeling of so much love that I didn’t want to leave that scene, even though you were telling me to come back to the present,” she said.
But she could not understand why they could not be together in this lifetime. Why so many barriers? And why did he not even show any interest in her now?
She asked if I could explain this.
I told her I couldn’t, and that only she could. What she was asking for was a rational or logical explanation for something beyond reason and logic. I told her that one possible approach was to remember and understand her dreams.
Her eyes lit up, and she said she remembered two recent dreams involving this man and “the father of my children,” as she referred to her ex-husband.
I told her not to make herself suffer by dreaming of or pining for a man she cannot have in this lifetime. “But you told us in your seminar that with visualization we can achieve whatever goal we have, no matter how impossible,” she said.
I countered, “Yes, if it is meant for you.”
If, after doing the visualization religiously twice a day, it still does not materialize, then stop. It is not meant for you.
I reminded her of the dictum I give my students in the Soulmates, Karma and Reincarnation seminar: “If you love somebody, let him go. If he comes back, he is yours. If he does not, he never was.”
This is not a question of being negative, but of facing reality. I remember very clearly an incident I witnessed years ago between a well-known Filipino faith healer and his 10-year-old son.
During a birthday party, his son was holding a balloon in the open garage in front of the house. The garage had a cover, but was open on both sides. Then the string slipped from the boy’s hand and the balloon floated to the ceiling where he could not reach it.
The healer jumped for the string, but a slight wind blew the balloon towards the edge of the ceiling. The healer jumped three times, but could not catch the string. The balloon drifted upwards.
The healer looked at the disappointed face of the son, then said, “Never mind son, that balloon is not for you.”
The next ESP seminar will be on May 14-15, 9 a.m.-5 p.m., Rm. 308 Prince Plaza I, Legaspi St., Greenbelt Makati City. Fee is P5,500 (inclusive of snacks, handout materials and certificate). Call 8107245 or 0998-9886292. Reservations required.