Every time you are about to lose your temper, stop and think first before losing all control. There are studies that reveal something which has been long suspected to be directly linked to anger. And that is fear.
It is believed that all forms of hostility begin from fear. In “The Heart of the Soul,” author Gary Zukav maintains that the very birthplace of every negative, destructive impulse is fear.
If this is true, then an angry person is fearful. And the natural conclusion is this: that when an individual is loving or comes from a place in one’s heart that is filled with love, then this person is fearless.
What is the difference between a fearful and a fearless individual? It is like night and day, the wide chasm between a lack of self-worth and the healthy presence of self-esteem. Or to put it simply, between a life of non-fulfilment and fulfilment. Here is the more graphic explanation: the polarity between an empty life and a purposeful one.
This gives credence to the expression that “Love is fearless.” Translation: Love doesn’t know fear.
Isolation room
Anger will isolate any and all from a person’s life. It acts like an isolation room. This pushes people away. It manipulates situations and builds a wall that divides others.
Outwardly, an angry person may shout and swear at the top of his/her voice. Observers would conclude that this angry person has courage.
Nothing could be further from the truth. According to psychotherapists, a person who appears to be terrorizing others is actually a very terrified human being.
One can connect the dots easily. Let’s work backwards with baby steps.
The underlying emotion of anger is pain. The foundation is fear. Thus, anger = fear, but where is the pain coming from?
When you lose your temper, did it ever occur to you that you are not actually angry at the given situation? Rather, you are mad at yourself or some painful experience in your past. This pain, which you haven’t put your finger on, is something you might be in denial about.
Now here’s a revelation. The more you deny the existence of your pain, the more angry you will become. If you continue to be angry, then you also continue the cycle of recurring pain.
Every time you erupt like a volcano, you produce consequences that are not going to be beneficial to your physical and emotional state.
Now age 70, Danny, a fighter, is fighting a new battle—how to live to 95 after a triple heart by-pass. His doctor advised him to live a stress-free life. But more importantly, he was urgently admonished by his cardiologist to manage his temperament. On the outside, he appeared calm, but brewing deep inside him was his old, true self—a street fighter through and through.
Why did he earn the moniker Mr. Angry? Because he had the infamous reputation of getting mad at anyone who crossed him. He was in denial about his unexplained inner fury, until one incident gave him a wake-up call.
One of his grandchildren during a family reunion had a fight with his cousins. Danny pulled them apart and ordered them to stop fighting and shake hands.
This grandchild said to him, “Why should we, when you are angry all the time?” This felt like a slap on his face. The very next day, he went to a therapist. After several sessions, the truth which had long been hidden finally surfaced.
Danny had abandonment issues. He felt that his father was never there for him, when he was completely focused on his career advancement. All those nights, he came home past Danny’s bedtime. Thus, as a child, he, too, went past hoping for “Papa to come home to play with me.”
After months of therapy, he is now an enlightened man.
Now, he no longer loses his temper. And because of this, there too went the sudden palpitations that were the constant companion of his anger.
He is now hopeful and confident that with proper anger management, he can strive to live beyond 100.
Every time you feel anger, go deeper into yourself. Soon you can unmask your pain and finally face your fear.
This week’s affirmation: “Love guides me”
Love and light!
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