Dear Emily,

I’m a 27-year-old man who is in such a dilemma right now. I broke up with my girlfriend of two years because I found out that she was cheating on me with not just one guy, but several. Of course she cried and said she was sorry, and that she only did it because she was lonely.

We had a long-distance relationship because I am based in another province due to my work. After I broke up with her, her mother contacted me and informed me that she now has AIDS. That really shocked me. I immediately went to the doctor and got myself tested, and the result was negative.

I visited her in the hospital and she looked awful. She has lost a lot of weight and is attached to an oxygen mask. It was hard to see the woman I love (yes, I still love her despite the pain she caused me). Then, I proposed to her.

I know this probably sounds stupid, but I want to marry her before she dies. She accepted. She wants to get married before she goes. A lot of people are against it, especially my parents. They think I shouldn’t marry someone who cheated on me and is dying.

I am now even questioning myself. Am I doing this because I love her or because I feel sorry for her?
PERPLEXED

Ask yourself—after you’ve married her and if she were to suddenly get well from this death sentence called AIDS, would that make you the happiest man on earth, or will that make you distraught? How far do you see yourself traveling down this road?

Love is a funny feeling. Sometimes it feels like death if the person you love more than life is not around you. It also feels like death if the person you once loved more than life has brought you so much grief.

What do you think? How do you feel—honestly? Everyone around you can only offer how they themselves will act were they the person making the decision. They will give you advice from their own limited perspectives, which may not even approximate an ounce of yours.

In the end, it’s your mind and soul alone that can decide on this. You’re the only one who can bear to carry the good and the bad in this. Only you. Nobody else.

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