Dear Emily,

I’m turning 27 in November. I am also seven months pregnant. The father is 32 years old and one of my bosses in the office.

We started by talking about work, went out to dinners, and had sex eventually in a motel nearby. He never used a condom.

A month later, I was pregnant. His first reaction was to say I should exercise so my period would come. I just said yes, but in truth, I wanted the baby and to settle down with him.

When I started to show, he said he would not turn his back on his obligation to the baby. I suggested living together but he just said he would think about it.

When my foster parents learned of my condition, they asked my boss what his plans were for me. He said he would take care of the baby but he wasn’t ready for marriage. They asked him why not when he has had a steady job and nothing to hold him back. He said that we did not know each other well enough and just apologized for getting me pregnant.

He regularly checks if I am eating well, taking my prenatal supplements, or if I was hurting. He accompanies me to my appointments and drives me home sometimes.

I met his parents after I got pregnant. Though he said he wasn’t ready, I want him to make a commitment to me. I want him to marry me.

—MS ACCOUNTANT

Whoa, hold on! Are you pointing a gun to his head here? Sure, he got you pregnant but don’t cry foul and pin him to the wall for it. You’re 27 and it took both of you to get to where you are now. He wanted to have fun, and you seemed like a willing participant to it. Sadly, he left that small detail of protection to you—you who should have insisted that he use one all the time.

You led him to believe that there was no agenda involved here, never let him in on your devious plans of having a baby and getting married, possibly at the get-go? He told the truth when he said he hardly knew you! He thought all along that you both were just toying with casual, purposeless sex.

You can always have a shot-gun wedding but that’s starting life on absolutely wrong footing. You were not even friends with him, and love, which could have been an important ingredient in this relationship, was not even factored into the equation.

Sex, a baby and a forced marriage look too unpalatable to translate into a meaningful relationship. There’s just not much of a strong foundation between you two, to hold it together.

Think hard about it. Let your feelings for each other flow naturally without stress. Don’t emasculate him. Allow him to want you. In the meantime, prepare for single motherhood to avoid more distress. Some relationships are better off without that piece of paper you’re running after. You won’t be the first.

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