Dear Emily,
It all started in December 2013 whens she added me on Facebook and I accepted the friend request. It turns out we both used to work in the same bank. We became friends, and in 2015 we became a couple.
She has a six-year-old son from a previous relationship and we now have a daughter age two.
In December 2017, she found out I had a chatmate in Messenger. We had a fight but I apologized and admitted my mistake. We were okay again from then on.
February this year, I changed jobs and am now in law enforcement. I did it to better provide for my family.
Recently she said that I have changed, that I rarely bring her out on a date and that she feels she is doing everything alone at home—taking care of our children after her work and doing overtime for us to make ends meet.
I admit it, I got focused on work. But the worst news was when she said she’s falling for a gay guy at work and that we should just be civil for the sake of our children.
I felt heartbroken and devastated. I told her I will fight for our relationship and our family even if we are yet to be married.
I feel her coldness—when I hold her hand, she does not hold mine as firmly as before. But she still calls me “Love.”—Resilient Man
Your partner can only be crying out for attention and affection. There is clear indication that she feels financially stressed and emotionally neglected—having to work overtime to make ends meet, and still having to care for hearth and kids after work. There’s too much stuff on her plate for comfort. She feels abandoned in her plea—and her attraction to her gay friend is more like feeding her emptiness with crumbs.
Her vulnerability at this time makes her cling to this gay friend, maybe for assurance that someone is there to reach out to and catch her when she falls down on her face, alone. It’s a matter of survival for her and you are not making her feel any secure.
Why you’re not marrying her is not even mentioned here. There may be issues you didn’t mention in your letter.
If you truly want to save this young family, initiate the change in yourself—both in words and deeds. Stop your posturing and empty promises. That can be so frustrating to your partner, not to say despairing.
Her calling you “Love” should still mean something. The ball is now in your court. Do something.
Email [email protected] or [email protected].
