I am afraid to move on.

Four months have passed since the most promising candidate for presidency lost by an absolute landslide, yet unbelievably so. The seasons have already transitioned from tagtuyot to tag-ulan, and everything still seems unbearably the same, or much worse for those who do not share the same luxuries as others.

The current condition of the economy is at its lowest. Numerous Filipino families and citizens are unable to overcome this financial hurdle, suffering from the circumstances and not receiving sufficient assistance or compensation from the government.

There are many starving, homeless or displaced, and impoverished individuals who have yet to experience true and sustained prosperity. And still, there are those who have the gall to respond to the hardships of their own fellowmen with: “Mag-sariling sikap ka kasi. Huwag puro asa sa gobyerno.”

My anger has simpered, but my fear has magnified tenfold. What can I, or rather what should I expect from this administration for the next six years? Admittedly, it had never occurred to me to register as a voter. Although I had become very vocal about the inconsistencies of the government in the past, it only occurred to me that despite my knowledge about what is right and/or wrong, it is my very privilege and position among society that remains to be the most powerful tool in the world. It is within the arena of life that I realized no human being should be left behind, defeated and at the bottom of the food chain.

Hoping for better

After undergoing a quite traumatizing and exhausting process to become a registered voter, I carried such a hope for a better, secure, fair and empowered life for the masses. As the days melted into months, it was through the woman in pink that my hope for all my desires was fostered and cultivated.

I watched as a majority of the nation steadily grew supportive of the country’s previous vice president, constantly powering through the bouts of misinformation and gathering to campaign Leni Robredo’s initiatives and plans to many other citizens in the instance that she won. As numbers grew from thousands to hundreds of thousands, the faith that I have long been harboring for the future began to flourish as well.

This is what true unity should be perceived to be like. An ocean of pink that only endorses love and compassion for all of humanity.

Once the results were released and finalized after the recounting, I experienced an entirely new kind of defeat, a loss that I had never felt. I had imagined myself to be an inflated balloon, and all the air slowly rushed out of me until I had become nothing but deflated rubbery material. The feeling became much saltier when my tears were accompanied by triumphs others particularly felt. It became an echo of the distressed cry of those who only ever endured setback after setback in the past, of the people who had been tortured mercilessly and remains alive in the memory of their descendants but anonymous to everybody else.

Dark history

This is a reincarnation of the dark history that still plagues society. What scabs at the unhealed wounds are the kind of statements and perspectives being disseminated across the country that claims history to be revised, that the truth had been muddied by untrue and inaccurate opinions, and that we are at the pinnacle of another golden era for the Philippines.

Some people have accepted the country’s fate and have decided to only hope that they be proven wrong. Some still hope for a miraculous turnaround. There are people who are still furious, and it seems as though this anger will never cease.

There are those who have given up and have devised their own scapegoats to live out the remainder of their lives where the betterment of the country is always pursued. Some are still in mourning, grieving at the one and only opportunity wherein the country could finally know what it is like to never be poor in justice.

I have tried my very best to latch on to that anger, to keep my passion fueled and ready for a fight that is not only right for me, but for past generations who fought for our very independence and freedom; for the present generation who has no certainty of what tomorrow may hold; and for the kind of life that the future generations are destined to live. However, it has become taxing to wake up every day and see the public remain unserved by the newly elected officials.

Where does all of this leave us?

What happens to all the activists and innocent people who were wrongfully killed at the height of martial law? What happens to all the women who were taken in the night and in broad daylight, raped and tortured by the very people who swore upon an oath to serve and protect? What happens to all the men whose bodies were so mangled that their families could no longer discern them, and the scattered limbs of the many other victims buried only God knows where? Where does it leave all the children whose parents rallied together and used their voices to create an even greater display of power through the Edsa Revolution?

What happens to all the people who stood their ground and fought for the freedom that we enjoy too much and often take advantage of? What happens to those who had entrusted the future to us, to live only to see that the nation had willingly put another Marcos back in position? What will happen to the journalists and the historians who invested all their strengths and efforts to document the horrors of the past, only for it to be forgotten and disregarded for TikTok videos?

What will happen to the people who have been neglected, stolen from, lied to and oppressed?

“Aming ligaya na pag may mang-aapi ang mamatay nang dahil sa iyo.” —CONTRIBUTED