Ever since I was a little kid, college, and the concept in its entirety, has always been on my mind.

I have always thought about it as an exciting new chapter of my life where I get to meet new people, go to a new school and have that college experience that everyone has been talking about.

But, at the same time, I thought of it as daunting and scary. Mainly because of one thing: entrance exams.

Burning questions

Those two words have always been lingering at the back of my head, the mere thought of an exam hall with hundreds of students taking a test that could decide their whole future. As a child, I felt unprepared for something that would happen in several years’ time. Every time I met up with my relatives, I would get asked these burning questions: “What school are you planning to go to for college?” or “What course will you take?” Thankfully enough, I was able to find my passion for writing and reading at a young age, so at least, I knew that a way to bring my words to life was a must-have for a future career of mine.

As I transitioned into senior high school, I picked HUMSS (Humanities and Social Sciences) as my strand, because I knew that was the field I wanted to work in.

However, after having my strand figured out, it was now a matter of getting into the college I want. From a young age, I wanted to be an Atenean, like my dad. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to strengthen my love for reading and writing since I had heard a lot about Ateneo de Manila being a “HUMSS school” and other things similar to that. But when I found out that the ACET (Ateneo College Entrance Test) would take place this coming November, it scared me.

Stressful days

Those stressful days I had imagined of studying for college entrance exams and filling out applications for my top schools that once felt so distant now couldn’t be any closer. It felt as if all of the pressure had suddenly dropped on my shoulders. I heard of my close friends and classmates attending review classes from as early as December. (I even had a friend who was enrolled into three review classes at different times.) And there I was, feeling just as unprepared as I did when I was a child, but now, time was no longer on my side.

I began by buying several books about tips for passing college entrance tests, which have helped to a certain degree. But as the dates for all of the applications and exams grew closer, so too did my desire to be more prepared.

Starting June, I was enrolled in a review center, which definitely managed to quell my fear of not knowing the concepts in the tests. However, one main worry still lingered: the fact that I am a HUMSS student and would be taking a test that would have a lot of Math.

When I was younger, subjects like English and Social Studies interested me the most, and consequently, I excelled in those subjects more than Math or Science. Not that I was terrible at those subjects, but if someone were to look at my report card, it would be very easy to determine what strand I would end up in. So there have been some times during those lectures where I felt almost as if the information was going through one ear, coming out the other.

Extracurriculars

Even when I was still in Grade 11, I would get insecure when I think about my classmates who have countless extracurriculars under their belt, or my friends who would ace every test, while I did average at best in my weaker subjects. All that pressure on a 17-year-old girl (or anybody my age)—it became exhausting, for sure.

But after giving myself some time to breathe, I realized that aside from learning things like Math formulas, or scientific terms, there was one lesson that really stuck out to me: to go at my own pace, and not compare myself to others.

For so long, I had been caught up with things like grades, extracurriculars, and even the type and amount of review centers other people had been going to, but I never took a look at myself, and how far I have personally come. Sure, I may pale in comparison to some of my batchmates, but I was never terrible at any of my classes, or have no extracurriculars at all. In fact, all of this made me reflect on myself too, and how I have been an honor student, or how I’m even taking up this leadership role as a future org head.

This whole journey of mine has taught me to celebrate my own victories, and not always compare mine to others. Sometimes, all of these worries make me feel so lost, that I fail to recognize what I already have.

So while this journey is still ongoing, and that I’ll be taking the University of the Philippines College Admission Test very soon as well, I can at least take solace in knowing how far I have come, and not lose sight of what I already have. —CONTRIBUTED INQ