Don’t laugh, but many years ago when I was still in high school, when I first heard the term “postpartum depression” or PPD, I thought it was a form of depression that some women experienced after giving birth because they missed being pregnant!
It didn’t take long before I learned the actual definition of PPD, but with motherhood nowhere in the horizon yet at that time, it was hard to wrap my head around the idea of being sad at such a joyful time.
As much as I wish I had a couple of anecdotes on PPD, that’s as far as the chuckles go because the fact is, it’s a very serious issue, a type of clinical depression which affects some women after childbirth or a miscarriage. According to webmd.com, it is “a complex mix of physical, emotional and behavioral changes.”
It is hard to say what causes it, but it is usually brought about by hormonal changes that occur within the body. During pregnancy, the body produces 10 times more estrogen and progesterone, the female reproductive hormones, but within a week after giving birth, the hormone levels return to normal.
This drastic change in hormone levels is what is believed to be responsible for the emotional period that follows childbirth.
PPD is oftentimes confused with the baby blues, but they are not the same thing. Women suffering from the blues may sometimes feel that they have PPD, as they share some common symptoms such as difficulty in sleeping, feeling moody, overwhelmed and frustrated. Crying over nothing is also fairly common, but with BB, these feelings go away on their own within a few weeks, and are accompanied by genuine happiness over your baby.
In the case of women who suffer PPD, the feelings are not fleeting and go much deeper than the usual emotions that most women feel after giving birth. For instance, rather than just regular frustration from fatigue, a woman with PPD may experience more intense feelings such as hopelessness, failure, anxiety and emptiness.
Medical treatment
PPD also takes away the ability of the woman to find any joy in her everyday life with her new baby. PPD often lasts months and may sometimes require medical treatment.
There is also the more severe form of PPD called postpartum psychosis, in which a woman may feel completely unattached to her baby or even imagine things that are not there, which can be very dangerous for both mother and child. She may lose touch with reality, too.
While harmful thoughts may enter the mind of a woman suffering from PPD, they are quickly disregarded and forgotten. Or, a mother suffering from psychosis may actually act upon these thoughts and suffer true remorse upon realizing what she has done.
There are some women for whom PPD simply goes away, while in other cases, medication is necessary. The severity of symptoms and the treatment needed vary from person to person. Many factors come into play, such as family history on depression and personal circumstances. Each case is different, as we will see in the stories of some friends who shared their experiences.
In the case of one friend, Carmela* was very excited when she finally got pregnant, as she had to go for fertility treatments and inject herself with hormones regularly. “But after I gave birth to my daughter, the nurse showed her to me and I did not even want to touch her.”
She had to stay in the hospital nursery, but this did not bother Carmela because she did not want to be with her, and when it was time to go home, “I did not want to carry her or take care of her.” It took a few months, but eventually, with the right support and understanding, Carmela was able to find herself and enjoy her daughter.
“Please don’t feel guilty because it is normal and has nothing to do with you,” she says. “Dala yan ng hormonal changes sa katawan. Eventually, it will get better. Now my daughter and I are best friends.”
The story of June* shows a more difficult journey through PPD. “I had a healthy baby and I knew I was happy. Or at least my mind knew I was supposed to be happy but I couldn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel anything at all. It was as if I was completely empty inside. I couldn’t feel happiness or anger or sadness. I couldn’t see any point to life. But nobody knew.”
Just like any new mother, June entertained visitors and family who came to visit her. When the time came she went back to work and showed photos of her baby to her colleagues, June knew something was wrong but continued to put up a show that not even her husband saw through.
It was only when she was alone that she allowed herself to think about whether what she was going through was normal. She knew something was wrong, but try as she might, she could not shake off the dark cloud and bring herself to reach out.
But after several months, she says, “the ‘nonfeeling’ began to shift into an ‘overfeeling’ but it was all the wrong things! I was always angry about every little thing and this was something I couldn’t hide from my husband.”
Not a bad mother
June’s husband decided to talk to her mom first and together, they confronted her about what she was going through. “They didn’t judge me or accuse me of being a bad mother. They just sat there and listened to everything I said even if most of it probably didn’t make sense to them. I cried and cried but it was the only time I felt something remotely good because for the first time, I was able to let it out on someone.
“Usually, when I would allow myself to let it out, I was alone in the bathroom or if I let it out on someone, it was irrational as when I would be angry.
“I agreed to see a doctor with my mom and finally, I understood what was going on. It was such a relief to be able to know that things didn’t have to be this way and that they could, and would, get better.”
June followed her doctor’s treatment plan which included some medication and follow-up visits. She spent more time with her support group as well, which consisted of her husband, mom and best friends, and one day, she says, “I woke up and saw my baby’s face the way I should have from the very start and I cried because for the first time, I saw how beautiful and special he was.”
In another case, that of Ruth*, she says that “I don’t know if what I had was PPD, but there was a time when I felt like I was going through it.” She went to her doctor to ask for some medicines for her depression. Instead of medicines, she received a set of prayer books. “At first, in my mind, I scoffed at the idea. I thought she was being too traditional, too conservative. But today, I appreciate what she did. I do not judge doctors who prescribe them or women who need them. I know that there are medicines that address specific concerns and are, in fact, essential.
“But I also believe that prayer is a powerful tool. Praying for some kind of healing and peace in itself has been therapeutic. Faith, a supportive husband, the company of friends and a loving family helped me get through it.”
For many women, PPD is often unaddressed. Some may feel it is easier to deny one has it than to admit it, while for some families, it is often ignored and mistaken as simply being “overacting” or a phase. But it is important to address it to help not just the mother, but the child as well, who needs his/her mother’s love and attention in order to grow into a healthy and loving adult who will be capable of creating and maintaining emotional relationships.
*Names have been changed to protect their privacy.
