DEAR EMILY,
I’m in my mid-30s, and I work for one of the biggest companies in the Middle East. Outside of work, I volunteer in a self-help club.
My problem started when I became unemployed a few years ago. I met a Filipino guy and we became good friends. He has found success working in an IT company. During those difficult times, when I had nothing, he bought my groceries and clothes and gave me pocket money. He was very generous without me asking for it. As expected, we fell for each other. No one knows about us, neither family nor closest friends. We are not your typical screaming faggots.
He shares his room with another Filipino guy who is a little older than him. He said that man is just a friend.
But what bothers me is why he won’t introduce us. He would only invite me over to his place if the other guy is not there. If the other man is around, he can’t send text messages or call me—and he always puts his mobile phone in silent mode.
He gets irritated and calls me a nag if I start asking him when we will live together. He made me fall for him so hard that I’m afraid I might end up broken-hearted. He has had a series of relationships, while he’s just my first.
Is he trying to hide something, or am I being naive about something so obvious? Please don’t judge us. We are not criminals. We fell in love in a very weird and unusual manner. We were happy then. He brought out the best in me, and I’m a better person because of him. Is it a good idea to tell our families about us? Should I stop being jealous of his roommate? Should I stop nagging him about sharing a flat together?
CONFUSED
How can you be so naive as to not stare the truth about this man you love in the eye?
You raised two issues here as well. One was the roommate and the other was your sexuality. On the first issue—is the Pope Catholic? Does the sun rise in the east? You can’t call, you can’t visit, you can’t do this or that when the roommate is around—what does that say about your boyfriend?
You said yourself he holds a good job, so he should be able to control his own life already. Yet, he is acting like a 15-year-old juvenile who is reined in by someone else! Get to the bottom of it for your peace of mind. Have the facts out in the open!
Either they are lovers themselves, or he owes the roommate a big something that puts him under his control. You may lose him by doing so, but hey, isn’t it better now than later, when it would really hurt?
The other issue is your sexuality. You seem not to be totally comfortable with who you are and have not accepted your gayness fully, such that you are even asking that the word “criminals” not be used to describe yourselves. The world is not so constipated now, in case you haven’t heard. Gays have even earned the right to get married.
You can tell your mother who you are because, like it or not, some loved ones just play deaf and blind to what they see even before you know it yourself.
You are a big boy now—successful, confident and strong. Dance to the music your boyfriend is playing, if you care to. But know the truth. It’s a cliché, but watch your back. You’ve only got one.
E-mail [email protected] or [email protected]
