DEAR Emily,

I am in my 30s, and I have a girl friend who has quite a problem. She asked me recently if I would have a relationship with a guy who has STD. I told her that, if I love the guy, it wouldn’t matter, as I would still want him. It was an honest answer I gave her.

My problem is, was I right in telling her to go for it? I do not want her to make a mess of her life just because I would go through it myself. What is your opinion about having a relationship with a guy who has herpes?

DANA

Would you, really? Cross your heart and hope to die? Weren’t you just being facetious by saying it’s OK having an infected boyfriend yourself? Isn’t that being irresponsible, even if it’s only a “suppose” question?

Herpes is not just like having high cholesterol or diabetes. Unless you’re married to one and have to fully accept him regardless—I can only gasp and cringe at such statement of devotion! You were possibly just being cute, thinking that that scenario will never see the light of day in your life.

At the rate love comes and goes like the MRT, your friend had better think a thousand-plus times before even considering this guy. Herpes is no joke! It is like having a life sentence even after their love has flown away.

Years ago this joke went around: “What’s the difference between love and herpes?” Answer: “Herpes is forever.”

Isn’t that frightening, if not tragic? Besides, how active was this guy’s sex life? And where and when did he get it? Was it before or after her?

Herpes is an infectious disease. And depending on what type it is, the virus can manifest itself and show up all over your body immediately like the fireworks on the Fourth of July. Or it can lie dormant for years without you knowing about it. And once you have it, it’s yours to keep.

Unless you have the forbearance of a saint for pain and suffering, I suggest you wrap your mind around this looming disaster and try it on for size.

Yes, yes, love is something nobody can clearly fathom. Some are willing to die for it, and many actually kill for it. But it’s unconscionable how you can accept it so casually.

Had your friend asked you that “what if” question AFTER she’d already gone to bed with this infected guy, what could you have answered her then? Take an aspirin and call you in the morning?

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