A 1954 study of children growing up in Hawaii remains valid today: faith and flexibility, aside from reading and emotional support, foster maturity among the youth

As a parent of a teenager and a young adult, the events hogging the headlines these last two weeks have been quite unnerving. One of the more important issues calling out to me is how we can raise our children to become more resilient in the face of today’s tremendous pressures.

Resilience is defined as the ability to bounce or spring back. Resiliency has been likened to a rubber band that gets stretched almost to snapping point, but it springs back to shape.

One of the most significant studies in resiliency is the Kauai Longitudinal Study which looked at children born in 1954 on the island of Kauai in Hawaii. The progress of these children was followed for 50 years by psychologists Emmy Werner and Ruth Smith who identified children who were struggling with poverty, parental addictions and mental illness, divorce, health problems and other significant issues.

Werner and Smith were able to identify five protective factors common among the children who were found to be highly resilient.

Making connections with caring adults who listen and help put problems in perspective was found to be very important. These can be family, teachers, coaches, counselors, pastors, neighbors—adults who genuinely care about the child’s welfare, someone he or she feels completely safe with.

Reading was found to foster resiliency in that it opened new worlds for them that may be different from their actual life experience. The promise of a better life and of other, kinder worlds helped increase a sense of hope. Thus, it is important also for parents and caregivers to ensure that their children are exposed to the right kind of books or media—materials that promote positive values, and encourage creativity and imagination.

Problem-solving and goal-setting skills were critical life skills. The knowledge and assurance that no matter how difficult, every problem has a solution buoys the belief of the child or teener that nothing in life is insurmountable. Cultivating patience and learning how to take a step back to assess the problem or situation is very important. Keeping a Plan B is also essential.

The study also highlighted the importance of having a sound support system—a circle of trusted friends one can count on.  Friends can be found in many places—schools, clubs, orgs or other activities the child or teener may have outside of school. Sports is another source of a support circle. It is important for a parent or caregiver to get to know your son or daughter’s circle of friends because children and young people can be quite impressionable and in the face of stress, pretty vulnerable.

Hobbies and interests wereanother protective factor cited by the study. Having a creative outlet or hobby was proven to help ease stress.

Not included here, but what I have seen helpful in fostering resilience among teens and adults are faith and flexibility, which must be planted early on in life.

The knowledge and comfort of knowing that there is One greater than you who controls everything and ensures the belief that He will not allow anything to harm you, has been found to help grow your resilience.

“God’s rejection is His protection” is a comforting thought you can hold on to when you find yourself in sadness. You clamber your way out of that hole into His light.

Flexibility, or the ability to embrace change and not be daunted by it, finding the courage to step outside your comfort zone when life requires it, adds to one’s resilience. The resilient person looks at negative events as opportunities for growth and development.

I am reminded of a little girl who walked several blocks to school every day. One morning, a few minutes after she left, her mother decided to follow her in her car after seeing the coming thunderstorm. While driving, she noted the dark, heavy clouds and lightning and worried that her child might be scared. When she finally caught up with her daughter, she was very surprised to see her child stopping, looking up at the skies and smiling at each flash of lightning.

“What are you doing?” the mother asked her daughter. The child replied, smiling, “Well, God just keeps taking pictures of me. I think He’s not going to stop until the rain comes but by then I’ll be in school.”

I suppose, just like the little girl, the bigger your God is, the greater or the faster your resilience grows.

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